Sunday, July 24, 2011

Friday, June 10, 2011


Just a post to let you all know that I have moved this blog over to Posterous! Follow me now at:

Also check out my Tumblr blog at:

I'll keep this blog in case someone stumbles upon it and comments, but would love to see you over at the new site. I'm thinking I may want to start writing again... ;)


Just a post to let you all know that I have moved this blog over to Posterous! Follow me now at:

Also check out my Tumblr blog at:

I'll keep this blog in case someone stumbles upon it and comments, but would love to see you over at the new site. I'm thinking I may want to start writing again... ;)

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Empathy Overload

Been planning to write a couple different posts, but life seems to be getting in the way. One of the things about being a "Feeler" with anxiety & depression is that I tend to take on the hurts and pains of the people around me. This is NOT a good or healthy thing.

I've already been trying to work through a tangle of emotions (including the flooding in Australia) that seemed to hit me between Christmas & New Years, and then, this weekend, we have the shooting in Tucson, AZ.

The last time an event impacted me like this was Columbine. I remember that Sara & I were in the neighborhood of Columbine High School just 2 days before the event. Seeing all of this happen hit me in such a personal way. Things like this don't happen in neighborhoods this...wholesome. It shook my world.

Now, we have the mass shooting at the Safeway grocery store where Gabrielle Giffords decided to have a meeting with her community. Gabrielle is 40. I'm 40. I went to UofA in Tuscon for a semester, and the thought went through my head that Gabrielle & I could have easily been in the same Sociology 101 class back in college. Now, I don't know that Rep Giffords attended UofA, but that doesn't really matter because I know there were classmates who still live in Tucson & have been personally impacted by the tragedy and loss in the wake of the shooting. If I stop to think about 9-year-old Christina Taylor Greene, born on 9/11/01, I simply burst into tears.

All of it has hit me so hard that I have trouble even doing basic functions to care for myself. I've gone into Empathy Overload. I've, once again, taken on the pain of the world, and it is simply too much. More to the point, it isn't my right to take the pain of another. That is a role reserved for our Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ. It's not my burden to carry, but I find it so difficult to let go.

Because of this, I'm creating some boundaries for myself. I need to take time to avoid environments of anger and hatred. Right now, I'm not lucid enough to go into these communities and simply share the Love & Gospel of Christ, and that breaks my heart because that seems to be the only thing I'm good at doing. But the longer I postpone the Healing I need to experience, the longer it will be before I can be the Ambassador of Christ that I have been called to be.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

My Life Verse

For I live in eager expectation and hope that I will never do anything that causes me shame, but that I will always be bold for Christ, as I have been in the past, and that my life will always honor Christ, whether I live or I die. For to me, living is for Christ, and dying is even better. Yet if I live, that means fruitful service for Christ. I really don't know which is better. I'm torn between two desires: Sometimes I want to live, and sometimes I long to go and be with Christ. That would be far better for me, but it is better for you that I live. - Philippians 1:20-24 (NLT)

What I find fascinating about this is that Paul longs for death in this world to be with Christ which mirrors my desires in a poignant way. Yet his desire for this is not is simply the truth; and while he longs to go and be with Christ, he is willing to remain to continue Christ's work upon this earth. Also, while he was personally longing for the reward of Heaven, this was written during his first imprisonment in Rome. He did not realize that he would eventually be released, have many further encounters with people to share the Gospel, and be imprisoned once more. His desire to go to Heaven was not sinful because he was willing to be patient and obedient to Christ to wait.

Three times God has spoken to me, and all three times, He has used one word. Yet within each word contained a full, rich story & instructions for me. The three words were:


Photo by Jon Sheppard. Used with permission.
Twelve years ago, I went to the mountaintops with the full intention of not returning. It was a difficult time in my life, and I simply wanted to be done with it all and enter into the Presence of Christ. When I reached my destination and made camp, a thunderstorm entered the mountain bowl, and I was suddenly surrounded by lightning. Those of you who've been in the mountains understand how intense this can be. For those of you who can't, check out Journey to the Center of the Earth with Brendan Frasier. The lightning storm in that movie that forces them to flee into the cave for safety was really not far-fetched in terms of just how intense it can be.

So, here I was, in the mountains, wanting to leave my mortal shell, and I became surrounded by lightning. My guilt over my desire left, and I was at peace with the idea that I would die but not by my own hand. I was filled with enough peace (and exhaustion from the hike) that I actually fell asleep in the midst of the storm.

When I woke and realized that I wasn't taken, I was upset. I asked God why He didn't choose to take me when He had the perfect opportunity. His answer was: WAIT! This one word was filled with encouragement, instruction, purpose, and peace.

  • The day would come when I would receive the reward of Heaven, but I needed to be patient.
  • I was willing to die for Christ; I needed to be willing to live for Christ.
  • I came up to the mountain with the intention of giving my life to Christ, and that is exactly what happened, but not in the way I had planned. Instead, because my life had been spared & because of my relationship with Christ, every day belonged to Him.
  • God has the ability to remove me from this world at any moment He wishes. Because I am here, my time here has purpose.
  • My purpose for every day I am on this earth is to love my Lord, love others, and make disciples.

So within this passage of Scripture, I once again find the words already spoken for something that is crying out in my heart. My life is to honor Christ in every way, and when the day comes when I am allowed into Heaven, it will be cause for celebration for I will receive the reward for which I have waited for so long because my work here is finished.