Fine, Pt. 2

Just an updated answer to the question of, "How you doing?"

OK, do you want the typical, socially appropriate answer of "fine"; the overly spiritual answer involving a bad metaphor and ending in "but it's all good" as in, "God is my canteen in a desert of sorrow, but it's all good"; or the truth? It's my blog, so here's the truth:

When I was in AZ dealing with everything happening, it seemed like God had given me a Supernatural strength and hedge of protection. It's funny how it takes about 3 weeks for that to fade, for reality to really set in, and for the rest of the world to have moved on. I've also been under the weather which with the current swine flu scare has forced me to cancel my appointments with my therapist. So, I'm sad & weepy to the point of having a psychological relapse. (Oh, yeah, for those of you just entering the story, I had a nervous breakdown a few years ago.) I'm really worried about my mom, and she's one of the main reasons I can't afford a relapse (not including the havoc it would cause in my own life). Sara's been tumbling about in the middle of all of this with me, so even though she tries her best, she's really hurting as well. I'm also hurt by the very noticeable absence of certain local friends. Fortunately, our church has been a tremendous support, but being sick has forced me to stay away from large gatherings of people in general. I've found myself turning online for support & am thankful for some wonderful support there, but I'm really noticing the problems I was dealing with when I canceled my FB account before all this happened have been returning full-force. My plan is to quietly fade away this time & leave the account open & active but just limit my time online drastically. Writing has proved to be cathartic for me & I plan on pursuing that further. Also, God has still been present & all that's been holding me together; I just haven't had those emotional highs to go with it. God is the duct-tape for my beat-up car of life, but it's all good. :)

How I Am Beating Depression and Anxiety

About 4 or 5 months ago, I had a pretty significant breakthrough in my therapy. It was a moment where the idea that I am the Christ Creation inside of me who CONTENDS with the Flesh (instead of the other way around) finally went from my head to my heart. I had progressively been getting better and better by significant strides. As one friend said at one point, "I've seen you more in the past 2 weeks than in the past 2 years." It came just in time, too, because if not for this breakthrough and the tools my therapist had given to me to deal with life, I would not have made it through the 3 weeks I spent in Arizona when my dad passed, and I especially would have suffered a relapse within the past 3 weeks as the reality of the situation hit me while the rest of the world was moving on.

Here's the secret: The Bible

Yep, the secret is the Book that has been the bestselling Book for all time. Funny how things can hide so well right under your nose. However, it's important to know how to USE the Bible. It's not some magic totem that can be placed on your coffee table to ward off evil spirits. It needs to be read, studied, journaled, meditated upon, prayed through, and read again and often! This is the only way that the Bible will become engraved upon your heart, and that is the important part of how I use the Bible to deal with my depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, histrionics, pain, sorrow, stumbling blocks, temptations, Spiritual attacks, the World, and the Flesh. The Gospels specifically state that when Jesus was lead into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil, He confronted each temptation by speaking Scripture out loud at the temptation.

Did you get that? He spoke the Scripture. He didn't just think about the Scripture, but He actually quoted it out loud. I'm now doing the same thing, and it's making all the difference in the world in my life. Also, my therapist has shown me the importance of speaking the Scripture in a very personal way and with authority.

So, let's say that I'm feeling as though my life is spinning out of control, and what I really need is the Peace of the Lord, I'll use a verse such as Psalms 29:11 - "The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace." The way that I will use it is to say out loud, "Get behind me, spirit of turmoil, for it is written that the LORD gives strength to me; the LORD blesses me with peace." And when I speak, I do so loudly and with confidence and authority.

I share this because this is what has worked for me. It has made a significant difference in my quality of life. I'm able to go the homes of friends for dinner. I'm able to leave for a weekend getaway and try new things like sailing which I absolutely fell in love with! Thank you, Jenn Macainag! It has helped me experience Joy! And then when forced to face one of the toughest periods in my life when I was with my family in my dad's final days on earth, it held me together. I cannot express how important this was. It wasn't just a sake of being available for my mom and dad...it came down to knowing I wouldn't have a relapse and become an additional burden.

My therapist has given me a couple of books to help give me an arsenal to use: GOD'S PROMISES for every day and The Bondage Breaker by Neil Anderson. One section in The Bondage Breaker is a list of "I Am"s which has been a particular help. A lot of people have asked for copies, so I'll reprint the list and hope that Neil and his publisher understand.

If you have any questions, comments, or prayer requests, please don't hesitate to send me a message!

Through Christ I AM

ACCEPTED:
I am God’s child - John 1:12
I am Christ’s friend - John 15:15
I have been justified - Romans 5:1
I am united with the Lord and am one with Him in spirit - 1 Corinthians 6:17
I have been bought with a price—I belong to God - 1 Corinthians 6:20
I am a member of Christ’s body - 1 Corinthians 12:27
I am a saint - Ephesians 1:1
I have been adopted as God’s child - Ephesians 1:5
I have direct access to God through the Holy Spirit - Ephesians 2:18
I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins - Colossians 1:14
I am complete in Christ - Colossians 2:10

SECURE:

I am free from condemnation - Romans 8:1,2
I am assured that all things work together for good - Romans 8:28
I am free from any condemning charges against me - Romans 8:31-34
I cannot be separated from the love of God - Romans 8:35-39
I have been established, anointed, and sealed by God - 2 Corinthians 1:21,22
I am hidden with Christ in God - Colossians 3:3
I am confident God will perfect the good work that He has begun in me - Philippians 1:6
I am a citizen of heaven - Philippians 3:20
I haven't been given a spirit of fear but of power, love & a sound mind - 2 Timothy 1:7
I can find grace and mercy in time of need - Hebrews 4:16
I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me - 1 John 5:8

SIGNIFICANT:

I am the salt and light of the earth - Matthew 5:13
I am a branch of the true vine, a channel of His life - John 15:1,5
I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit - John 15:16
I am a personal witness of Christ’s - Acts 1:8
I am God’s temple - 1 Corinthians 3:16
I am a minister of reconciliation - 2 Corinthians 5:17-20
I am God’s coworker - 2 Corinthians 6:1
I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realm - Ephesians 2:6
I am God’s workmanship - Ephesians 2:10
I may approach God with freedom and confidence - Ephesians 3:12
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me - Philippians 4:13
I am the salt and light of the earth - Matthew 5:13
I am a branch of the true vine, a channel of His life - John 15:1,5
I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit - John 15:16
I am a personal witness of Christ’s - Acts 1:8
I am God’s temple - 1 Corinthians 3:16
I am a minister of reconciliation - 2 Corinthians 5:17-20
I am God’s coworker - 2 Corinthians 6:1
I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realm - Ephesians 2:6
I am God’s workmanship - Ephesians 2:10
I may approach God with freedom and confidence - Ephesians 3:12
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me - Philippians 4:13