Sunday, October 18, 2009

Fine, Pt. 2

Just an updated answer to the question of, "How you doing?"

OK, do you want the typical, socially appropriate answer of "fine"; the overly spiritual answer involving a bad metaphor and ending in "but it's all good" as in, "God is my canteen in a desert of sorrow, but it's all good"; or the truth? It's my blog, so here's the truth:

When I was in AZ dealing with everything happening, it seemed like God had given me a Supernatural strength and hedge of protection. It's funny how it takes about 3 weeks for that to fade, for reality to really set in, and for the rest of the world to have moved on. I've also been under the weather which with the current swine flu scare has forced me to cancel my appointments with my therapist. So, I'm sad & weepy to the point of having a psychological relapse. (Oh, yeah, for those of you just entering the story, I had a nervous breakdown a few years ago.) I'm really worried about my mom, and she's one of the main reasons I can't afford a relapse (not including the havoc it would cause in my own life). Sara's been tumbling about in the middle of all of this with me, so even though she tries her best, she's really hurting as well. I'm also hurt by the very noticeable absence of certain local friends. Fortunately, our church has been a tremendous support, but being sick has forced me to stay away from large gatherings of people in general. I've found myself turning online for support & am thankful for some wonderful support there, but I'm really noticing the problems I was dealing with when I canceled my FB account before all this happened have been returning full-force. My plan is to quietly fade away this time & leave the account open & active but just limit my time online drastically. Writing has proved to be cathartic for me & I plan on pursuing that further. Also, God has still been present & all that's been holding me together; I just haven't had those emotional highs to go with it. God is the duct-tape for my beat-up car of life, but it's all good. :)

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